I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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