Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
