do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
