In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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