Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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