Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
