just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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