last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize