when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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