hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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