it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
