Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
