i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
