I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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