It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
