i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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