did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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