every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
