there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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