I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she told me i tasted like america
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
