dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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