My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think people are normalizing furries
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
