as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
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Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i need some magic done to my vagina
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize