ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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