I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sext me about skeletons
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