Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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