my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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