so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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