listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
