i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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