Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
