Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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