i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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