I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
