Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
