im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
