so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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