I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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