Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
