Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
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He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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