3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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