Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
