you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
