Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Randomize
