The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
