Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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