I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
