My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
