well you can't waste a boner
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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