There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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