They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
