I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sorry about my life...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
