i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
