the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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