it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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