I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
