whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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