When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
