Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
