i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
