I need help removing her.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
