You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
