How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
